Empathy is the most underrated skill.

34 ways to know if you have it

It's not:

Overpowering the conversation

Ignoring their non-verbal cues

Saying, "I know how you feel"

Telling them to "toughen up"

Assuming you understand

Minimizing their problems

Rushing the conversation

Dismissing their feelings

Trying to fix it for them

Focusing on yourself

Being indifferent

Offering clichés

Giving advice

Interrupting

A quick fix

Judging

Pity

It is:

Patience

Listening

Awareness

Being curious

Holding space

Showing respect

Offering comfort

Asking to confirm

Being truly present

Sharing their silence

Validating experiences

Respecting boundaries

Gently asking questions

Reflecting emotions back

Acknowledging their truth

Being emotionally available

Recognizing their perspective

How do you put all of this into action?

6 ways to develop and show empathy:

1. Listen Actively

Focus fully on the speaker without interrupting.

2. Reflect Feelings

Say, "It sounds like you're feeling..."

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Gently encourage them to share more.

4. Avoid Judgment

Keep an open mind and heart.

5. Offer Support, Not Solutions

Say, "How can I support you?"

6. Practice Patience

Give them time to express themselves.

Empathy is a journey, not a destination.

➟ It helps you build trust.

➟ It makes you a better leader.

➟ It deepens all of your relationships.

➟ It's key to success in business and life.

Practice empathy daily.

Your life will be better for it.

Pros and Cons of Communication Styles

1. Passive Communication:

 

Pros:

Avoids confrontation and maintains harmony.

Often seen as polite and non-threatening.

Can be appropriate in certain situations to prevent unnecessary conflict.

 

Cons:

May lead to unmet needs and unexpressed feelings.

Can result in a lack of personal fulfillment.

Others may take advantage of passive individuals.

 

2. Aggressive Communication:

 

Pros:

Can be effective in getting one's needs met quickly.

May establish dominance in certain situations.

Can be energizing and assertive.

 

Cons:

Tends to create conflict and strain relationships.

May lead to a hostile or intimidating environment.

Often results in others feeling disrespected or defensive.

 

3. Assertive Communication:

 

Pros:

Promotes honest and open expression of thoughts and feelings.

Fosters healthy relationships through clear communication.

Helps in setting and maintaining boundaries.

 

Cons:

May not be suitable in highly competitive or confrontational environments.

Requires practice and self-awareness to master.

Some individuals may misinterpret assertiveness as aggressiveness.

 

4. Passive-Aggressive Communication:

 

Pros:

Allows individuals to express dissatisfaction indirectly.

Can be a way to cope with conflict avoidance.

 

Cons:

Damages relationships due to hidden hostility.

Creates confusion and mistrust.

Does not address the root of the problem, leading to ongoing issues.

What key lessons do we need to teach our children?

 "Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best." — Bob Talbert

As technology reshapes our environment, it's clear that our approach to education must evolve. 

We need to prepare our children not just with academic knowledge but with skills and values that highlight their human strengths in a tech-driven future.

The answer, however, extends far beyond the realm of academia:

1 | Emotional Intelligence: 

Foster empathy and communication skills.

Why: Emotional intelligence is a uniquely human trait that robots cannot replicate.

2 | Navigating Relationships: 

In the digital age, fostering genuine relationships is both a challenge and a necessity. 

Why: Educating our children about the importance of building and maintaining healthy relationships is key to their emotional well-being and success in both personal and professional spheres.

3 | Life Skills: 

Practical life skills such as time management, and basic problem-solving and even cooking are essential for self-sufficiency. 

Why: These skills empower children to navigate daily life with confidence and resilience.

4 | Teach Financial Wisdom

Use everyday experiences to teach budgeting and the value of money.

Why: Financial literacy is key to navigating an economically complex world.

5 | Encourage Creative Thinking

Provide opportunities for creative expression and problem-solving.

Why: Creativity is a human forte that AI cannot replicate.

6 | Teach Respect for Nature and Sustainability

Engage in environmental activities and education.

Why: Balancing technology with sustainability is vital for the future.

7 | Mindfulness and Focus

Practice mindfulness and concentration exercises.

Why: In an age of constant digital distraction, the ability to focus is a valuable asset.

8 | Develop Critical Thinking

Engage in discussions and problem-solving activities.

Why: Critical thinking is necessary to navigate information in the digital age.

9 | Civic Engagement and Social Responsibility

Participate in community service and discuss societal issues.

Why: Understanding and engaging in civic duties prepares children for responsible citizenship

10 | Health and Well-being: Balancing Tech and Life

Educate on the importance of physical activity, mental health, and digital detox.

Why: Maintaining health in a tech-centric world is essential for holistic well-being.

As parents, educators, and mentors, it falls upon us to guide them towards becoming not just successful but well-rounded, empathetic, and adaptable individuals in a future where their most human qualities are their greatest strengths.

Keep growing, 

Michael Afelumo

International Certified Professional Coach & Mentor | Speaker | Trainer

10 THINGS TO REMOVE FROM YOUR RESUME

In writing your Resumes (Not CV if not academically inclined), beware of these exceptions: 

📍 Address: You need not put an address. Simply putting “Location”. Sometimes in putting this, you shoot yourself in the foot. Why? Most recruiters know that proximity is key and clients would have you know that when some candidates resume after promising that it wouldn’t be a problem during interviews, it would be their Nos 1 reason to come late to work and also for security reasons.

📍 Ethnicity: The talent space is so rich out that your place of birth and tribe are usually given a backseat. Guess what, this could also be subjected to biases. However, there are clients that would ask that they want diversity  cause present structure favours a certain tribe but why put yourself out of the equation. 

📍 Curriculum Vitae as Header: Some would bolden and make it the largest font in their profile. Do take it out as this already announces what it is. 

📍 Marital Status: In my experience except for such roles that involve a lot of traveling and certain roles requiring other pertinent stuff, this should be excluded as what a married person can do, a single-status-individual can do. 

📍 Long Job Responsibilities: Keep it Simple, concise and clear. Please don’t go online and copy verbatim about 10-15 job responsibilities. You were a Sales Executive that was promoted through your 7 years on the job to Sales Manager and therefore you repeat the same functions in about 2 pages of your resume just to show progression. 

Professional Summary/Career Objectives: There is a difference between these: 

📍Career Objective -usually short, one or two sentences long. It is specific about the position and type of job. It identifies the kind of career you are seeking and the focus is “You”. 

Summary shows your qualifications for the job. It gives the Recruiter a quick synopsis of your background, skills, strengths, and experience that is relevant to the advertised job.

📍Hobbies/ Passion: Do not write anything that comes to mind. Sometimes, i have seen candidates being bursted. 😀. “I can speak French” but you can’t make a full sentence. “I love reading books” but can’t mention any. 

📍 Use of Colours & Graphics- There are roles that could be artistically or SM. You can use these to show your talents but for others, you can leave out. Also some companies deploy ATS that may not recognize these so don’t take yourself out of reckoning.

📍 Email Address: While your work email address is unacceptable to be used as a channel of communication, your personal email address should be devoid of innuendos, sexy and political undertones. You don't want to showcase something that could lead to a bias towards you. e.g “omosexyplus@gmail.com

📍Long Pages: Sometimes we think the longer the better so we have information overload and we put unnecessary details. For the more experienced candidates, please include your successes and accomplishments.

Leadership - Which type of leader are you?

 

There are three types of leader. Those that stand in front of their people, those that stand behind their people, and those that stand next to their people. Which type of leader are you?

In the volume of leadership typologies, it is hard to see the forest for the trees. There’s visionary leaders, transformative leaders, servant leaders, transactional leaders, humble leaders, and so on and so forth. 

To simplify things I’d like to divide leaders into three broad categories: leaders that lead from the front, leaders that lead from the back, and leaders that lead from the side.

• Leading from the FRONT

Visionary type of leaders that lead by example. Work in front of the troops, directing and paving the way for their people.

+ Key benefits: innovation power, perceived as strong, aligned team

- Key risks: dominance, can feel unsafe, can create weak followers 

• Leading from the BACK

Servant type of leaders that support their people. Focus on people’s needs and try to help and facilitate them where they can.

+ Key benefits: people-centric, needs-driven, empowerment 

- Key risks: can be seen as weak, pampering, lack of vision

• Leading from the SIDE

Mentoring type of leaders that guide their people. Work in a peer-to-peer, feedback, and equality-based relation

+ Key benefits: openness, hands-on, collaboration-driven

- Key risks: invisible as leader, legitimacy issues, unclear decision-making

As we can see, all three have their pros and cons. This means that there is no single best or worst way. But, we can have preferences. My personal preference is leading from the side: standing (or sitting) next to people rather than in front or behind them. 

Which type of leader are you?

Which type of leader do you prefer?

#leadershipdevelopment 

#managementdevelopment 

#changeleadership 

Some common bad practices that school principals follow

1. Not including teachers in the decision making process. Decisions made from “on high” can seem gratuitous or arbitrary.
2. Not backing up teachers in tough situations. It’s very important for teachers to know that they will be supported if they make a decision that will upset a parent.
3. Punishing teachers instead of helping them improve. Teachers are human beings - they make mistakes and have failings. Helping teachers improve is far better than punishing them with bad schedules, room relocations, or layoffs.
4. Sitting in the office instead of roaming the building. Teachers and students should see the principal on a regular basis around the school.
5. Making everything a priority. When everything is your priority, nothing is your priority.
6. Ignoring major problems. We all know that not every problem can be solved. But you can always make an attempt.
7. Appeasing parents when they are being unreasonable. Giving parents what they request when it doesn’t impair the education process makes sense. But when it does? Not so much.
8. Allowing favoritism to continue. This is very common for coaches, athletes, and “principal’s favorite” teachers.
9. Promising but not delivering. If you’re not sure a thing can be done, don’t promise it.
10. Not putting academics first. Schools have to be a school first, and everything else second.

There are many more, but I’ve seen these failings committed over and over again.

LETTER TO SUPERVISOR

Dear Supervisor,

Closing late or leaving work on time is not a Key Performance Indicator or Key Result Area and it does not translate to a staff being productive.

What you should be measuring is actual performance, quality of work, effectiveness, efficiency, professionalism and so on.

That a staff closes late does not translate to commitment, efficiency, output or quality of work.

It's actually not your business if a staff chooses to leave work right at closing hour, as long as there isn't any task that should be closed out on or beyond deadline.

Some people have young children that need their attention, some have aged or a sick parent or relation that they have to care for after work; some have classes/ courses they are taking; some people are learning to swim, dance etc.; some live far away from work; some just have a lovely family they can't wait to be with after several hours apart.

On the other hand, some choose to stay late to avoid their abusive spouse/parents/siblings; some are experiencing domestic violence that they would rather be away from their home as much as possible; home is lonely for some; some are avoiding heavy traffic and so on.

Stop comparing people, people's realities are different. That A chooses to leave work at 9pm and another chooses to leave right at closing hour does not mean A is more committed. Some people are very active during the day while some are active in the evenings.

Let people breathe, let people work happily, let people LIVE. Life is not all about work, health and family matters too.

People are at different stages of life, some are single, some are married, some have all their children in boarding houses, some have babies, some have toddlers, some are newly married.... All these translate to how people choose to spend their time and what's priority for them.

Let people LIVE. 

N.B-There are days that work demands extra hours, that's exclusive of this write-up.

#michaelsview #workplacewellness #people #balancedlife #workplaceculture #leadership #productivity #timemanagement #wellbeingmatters